NOW THAT IT'S MY TURN TO CONTROL

NOW THAT IT’S MY TURN

As children, we longed to grow up and be the adult in control. Adults had the power to make the rules, and they ran our lives with those rules. We dreamed of the day when we could make the rules for others. We used to play house with our friends and take turns being “the boss, teacher, mother or father” and telling others what to do in a stern voice. It was great fun then.

Now that we are parents and have the authority, we try not to be bossy or domineering. We don’t want our children to feel powerless, to be victims of our whim. Yet we have to admit we are sometimes tempted to demand obedience — now that it’s our turn to be the grown-up in charge. We feel especially vulnerable to this temptation when we’re tired, when we’re feeling like somebody else’s victim, or when our kids have been fussing and demanding things of us all day.

We may think it’s unfair that we don’t get to have our turn being a controlling, bossy, parent. Of course, we could act this way if we wanted to. In fact, we probably did before we began our own recovery. In our recovery we’re learning new, healthier ways to relate to people, and we no longer enjoy putting people down. I let go of my desire to be a dominating, bossy parent and replace it with respectful ways to relate to my children.